#RippleEffectChallenge with Liesl
12 hours. That’s how long one #RippleEffectChallenge takes. 12 hours of actively keeping the middle of your ripple positive-and the catch?
That means 12 hours where you speak zero disclaimers over yourself. 12 hours without apologizing needlessly. 12 hours without disqualifying your sentences before you start them. 12 hours of giving yourself permission to take up space exactly as you are.
“It’s not that good, but”
“I don’t know if that makes sense”
“I know I’m ____, but”
Nope. None of that.
It sounds easy enough, right?
We thought we’d find out. So we dared one special person in our Noticed community —Liesl Hays— to try it, and tell us what she thought.
Keep reading for her feature below, and we’re telling you: you’ll want
to take her warning seriously.
Warning: Reading this blog may contribute to the belief that you are pretty legit.
At least once a month, I go on a long walk with my good friend Jodi.
Jodi and I share a deep passion for being curious together about the
world. Jodi is the person in my inner circle I can count on to have deep
soul-searching conversations with. Anytime I leave her presence, I
believe I’m a better human.
On our monthly January walk, I asked Jodi to participate in a challenge
with me during our hour-long jaunt. I asked her to notice anytime we
speak a disclaimer about ourselves in our regular conversation.
Over a month ago, the Noticed Network reached out and asked if I
would consider taking the #RippleEffectChallenge. They invited me to
explore what it would be like to spend an entire day avoiding all
disclaimers when I talk about myself.
I thought this challenge would be super easy. After all, I consider
myself a confident woman who has invested a ton of energy into
deeply loving myself.
How hard could this actually be? Back to the walk.
Less than 5 minutes after reviewing the challenge rules I said,
“I know it sounds nerdy, but I love Bridgerton.”
Jodi smiled as we collectively noticed my first disclaimer.
I stopped myself and changed my words, “Jodi, I love Bridgerton.”
She smiled at me and said, “Tell me what it’s about.”
As we overcame our first disclaimer moment, I was confident it
wouldn’t happen again.
We started down our usual rabbit hole of deep topics. I was about to
share something vulnerable with her and said, “I know this might be
too much information...but...”
We stopped for a minute, started laughing, and then I blurted out,
“I never noticed I was doing it. Listen to all these disclaimers Jodi!”
On our chilly January walk, my eyes were opened to the reality that as
self-assured as I feel, there are still moments I apologize for taking up
space.
After I returned home that day, I started to become curious about the
other disclaimers that are a regular part of my life.
Here’s what I discovered:
● Before someone shows up at my house for a last-minute visit
I’ve said, “My house is a total mess. Please don’t judge me. It
doesn’t usually look like this.”
● When someone compliments my specific contribution on a
project I’ve said, “Well, it wasn’t just me. Accomplishing this task
took the work of the whole team.”
● Before I see my sister before a holiday I’ve said: “Well, I’ve
gained weight since the last time I’ve seen you. Please don’t
judge the way I look.”
I believe these disclaimers often show up because of our own
insecurities.
We are afraid someone might judge us in an area we are susceptible
to shame. My perspective is that we are desperately wanting someone
else to rescue us from our own negative self-talk. We believe if
enough people tell us our house is beautiful, that we are humble, and
thin-that eventually we will believe it too.
What we don’t realize is that it starts with us.
Oftentimes, our disclaimers are rooted in toxic truths we’ve told
ourselves for years. I call these truths toxic because they do not
contribute positively to our lives. I believe toxic truths are negative
values or beliefs that are a part of our operating system. They are so
much a part of who we are, we often uphold them without noticing it.
Like our monotonous and familiar drive to work, we don’t notice the
scenery on any particular day. Until one day we do.
Here are the toxic truths I have accepted in my own life that support
some of my disclaimers:
● House: I am afraid people will judge my house. Our house being
messy feels like a direct reflection on my ability to be a good
wife and mother. For some reason, I’ve created the belief that
women are solely responsible for a tidy home. Therefore, my
house being messy is no one else’s fault but mine. A messy
house means I am not fulfilling my obligation as a wife and mom.
● Project: One of my biggest fears is appearing arrogant. I want
people to see me as humble, gracious, and someone who gives
credit where it is due. Because of this, I have a hard time
accepting any compliments because I have an intense fear
people will think I’m arrogant.
● Weight: I feel like being skinny is important. The value I place on
myself is often attached to the number on a scale. When I gain
weight, I’m certain people notice and judge me.
● Nerd: I love historical fiction, documentaries, books, and people
that encourage me to think. In elementary school, my interests
were considered hugely nerdy and I was teased a lot. Therefore,
I’m afraid to share the parts of my personality that are
considered “nerdy” by people.
Beloveds-here is something I know to be true: We all speak
disclaimers over our lives at some point. Some days we apologize for
taking up too much space and other days we are crushing it at life. It’s
all a balancing act. However, when we begin to notice our own
disclaimers, we can uncover the toxic truths that just need a
rewrite.
Are you ready to ditch the disclaimers in your life that aren’t serving you?
This week, I want you to join me in the #RippleEffectChallenge.
Let’s do this together:
● Monday: On Monday, simply begin noticing the disclaimers you speak over your life. Don’t beat yourself up about them though! Every time you notice a disclaimer, simply write it down.
● Wednesday: Review your list of disclaimers. Ask yourself these questions: What common disclaimers am I noticing? How do these disclaimers make me feel? Why is this a disclaimer I use? Is there a negative story or belief I have that fuels this disclaimer?
● Friday: Practice by spending an hour removing any disclaimers from your language.
I would love to hear your experience with the #RippleEffectChallenge.
Send me an email at LieslHays@lieslhays.com to share your
experience.
I believe you are pretty legit,
Liesl
Click here to download the 3 day #RippleEffectChallenge Resource
