#RippleEffectChallenge with Liesl

12 hours. That’s how long one #RippleEffectChallenge takes. 12 hours of actively keeping the middle of your ripple positive-and the catch?

That means 12 hours where you speak zero disclaimers over yourself. 12 hours without apologizing needlessly. 12 hours without disqualifying your sentences before you start them. 12 hours of giving yourself permission to take up space exactly as you are.

“It’s not that good, but”

“I don’t know if that makes sense”

“I know I’m ____, but”

Nope. None of that.

It sounds easy enough, right?

We thought we’d find out. So we dared one special person in our Noticed community —Liesl Hays— to try it, and tell us what she thought.

Keep reading for her feature below, and we’re telling you: you’ll want

to take her warning seriously.

Warning: Reading this blog may contribute to the belief that you are pretty legit.

At least once a month, I go on a long walk with my good friend Jodi.

Jodi and I share a deep passion for being curious together about the

world. Jodi is the person in my inner circle I can count on to have deep

soul-searching conversations with. Anytime I leave her presence, I

believe I’m a better human.

On our monthly January walk, I asked Jodi to participate in a challenge

with me during our hour-long jaunt. I asked her to notice anytime we

speak a disclaimer about ourselves in our regular conversation.

Over a month ago, the Noticed Network reached out and asked if I

would consider taking the #RippleEffectChallenge. They invited me to

explore what it would be like to spend an entire day avoiding all

disclaimers when I talk about myself.

I thought this challenge would be super easy. After all, I consider

myself a confident woman who has invested a ton of energy into

deeply loving myself.

How hard could this actually be? Back to the walk.

Less than 5 minutes after reviewing the challenge rules I said,

“I know it sounds nerdy, but I love Bridgerton.”

Jodi smiled as we collectively noticed my first disclaimer.

I stopped myself and changed my words, “Jodi, I love Bridgerton.”

She smiled at me and said, “Tell me what it’s about.”

As we overcame our first disclaimer moment, I was confident it

wouldn’t happen again.

We started down our usual rabbit hole of deep topics. I was about to

share something vulnerable with her and said, “I know this might be

too much information...but...”

We stopped for a minute, started laughing, and then I blurted out,

“I never noticed I was doing it. Listen to all these disclaimers Jodi!”

On our chilly January walk, my eyes were opened to the reality that as

self-assured as I feel, there are still moments I apologize for taking up

space.

After I returned home that day, I started to become curious about the

other disclaimers that are a regular part of my life.

Here’s what I discovered:

● Before someone shows up at my house for a last-minute visit

I’ve said, “My house is a total mess. Please don’t judge me. It

doesn’t usually look like this.”

● When someone compliments my specific contribution on a

project I’ve said, “Well, it wasn’t just me. Accomplishing this task

took the work of the whole team.”

● Before I see my sister before a holiday I’ve said: “Well, I’ve

gained weight since the last time I’ve seen you. Please don’t

judge the way I look.”

I believe these disclaimers often show up because of our own

insecurities.

We are afraid someone might judge us in an area we are susceptible

to shame. My perspective is that we are desperately wanting someone

else to rescue us from our own negative self-talk. We believe if

enough people tell us our house is beautiful, that we are humble, and

thin-that eventually we will believe it too.

What we don’t realize is that it starts with us.

Oftentimes, our disclaimers are rooted in toxic truths we’ve told

ourselves for years. I call these truths toxic because they do not

contribute positively to our lives. I believe toxic truths are negative

values or beliefs that are a part of our operating system. They are so

much a part of who we are, we often uphold them without noticing it.

Like our monotonous and familiar drive to work, we don’t notice the

scenery on any particular day. Until one day we do.

Here are the toxic truths I have accepted in my own life that support

some of my disclaimers:

● House: I am afraid people will judge my house. Our house being

messy feels like a direct reflection on my ability to be a good

wife and mother. For some reason, I’ve created the belief that

women are solely responsible for a tidy home. Therefore, my

house being messy is no one else’s fault but mine. A messy

house means I am not fulfilling my obligation as a wife and mom.

● Project: One of my biggest fears is appearing arrogant. I want

people to see me as humble, gracious, and someone who gives

credit where it is due. Because of this, I have a hard time

accepting any compliments because I have an intense fear

people will think I’m arrogant.

● Weight: I feel like being skinny is important. The value I place on

myself is often attached to the number on a scale. When I gain

weight, I’m certain people notice and judge me.

● Nerd: I love historical fiction, documentaries, books, and people

that encourage me to think. In elementary school, my interests

were considered hugely nerdy and I was teased a lot. Therefore,

I’m afraid to share the parts of my personality that are

considered “nerdy” by people.

Beloveds-here is something I know to be true: We all speak

disclaimers over our lives at some point. Some days we apologize for

taking up too much space and other days we are crushing it at life. It’s

all a balancing act. However, when we begin to notice our own

disclaimers, we can uncover the toxic truths that just need a

rewrite.

Are you ready to ditch the disclaimers in your life that aren’t serving you?

This week, I want you to join me in the #RippleEffectChallenge.

Let’s do this together:

● Monday: On Monday, simply begin noticing the disclaimers you speak over your life. Don’t beat yourself up about them though! Every time you notice a disclaimer, simply write it down.

● Wednesday: Review your list of disclaimers. Ask yourself these questions: What common disclaimers am I noticing? How do these disclaimers make me feel? Why is this a disclaimer I use? Is there a negative story or belief I have that fuels this disclaimer?

● Friday: Practice by spending an hour removing any disclaimers from your language.

I would love to hear your experience with the #RippleEffectChallenge.

Send me an email at LieslHays@lieslhays.com to share your

experience.

I believe you are pretty legit,

Liesl

Click here to download the 3 day #RippleEffectChallenge Resource